Finding Sustaining Happiness as an Adoptee


I'm on Spring Break, in Mexico, with my family. We're in Cabo San Lucas. It's beautiful here. The weather is as close to perfect as it can be: 81 degrees with an ever-present light breeze.

I'm told that, in a few short weeks, the heat and humidity kicks in and will linger through September. We've visited at an ideal time, before Spring moves into Summer.

As an adoptee, it seems—for me—that there have been many changing seasons in my lifetime. Many transitions and shifts in the wind.

The seasons of adoption—sometimes temperate and sometimes harsh—have, in the past, had control over my ability to experience a sustainable happiness. Something would be said, or not said. Someone would leave. Something within would be triggered. A calm season could quickly change into a turbulent one.

I would tell myself that I'm worthy of love, but that voice would be quickly drowned out by a downpour of self-doubt. I could offer myself a pep talk that anything was achievable, but that language would be swept away and replaced by words that diminished my ability to see myself as capable of success.

I would tell myself that I was chosen, but the primal voice whispered that I had been rejected and left. I would try and convince myself that it didn't matter that I was adopted. That it was better to avoid the questions looming in my head. Avoidance was hard, though. Adoption is an in-your-face reality.

Every time you look in the mirror, you know there is someone out there who holds keys to your identity. Someone out there who walks around holding pieces of you inside of them. It's the fragments left by adoption that I struggled with for years. So often, emotions from my early story and the accompanying insecurities would blow in. Gentle breezes turned into damaging winds. The abundance of Spring could—without warning—morph into a barren Winter. It's scary. Lonely. Hard.

Dear adoptee, do you understand my experience? Have you felt the contrasting seasons of adoption, too? Have you found it hard to sustain happiness in your life? In your relationships? In your work? In your outlook?

I believe that sustainable happiness for adoptees is directly linked to the belief systems we hold and rely on, daily. I've transformed the negative beliefs I once held, the dangerous current of lies that once pulled me under in an instant. I know the truth of me because I've learned how to claim it, no apologies. This truth keeps me anchored even when stormy seasons arrive.

Those who aren't adopted may never have contemplated that adoption is an experience of contrasts: loss and gain, hellos and goodbyes, peace and pain. Yet, adoptees feel these contrasts most intimately, even if they've not yet been able to verbalize them. Adoptees often feel these contrasts before they can even speak them.

These contrasts—these changing seasons—of adoption will pulse through the adoptee's veins for all of their days. As adoptees, we cannot run from this. It's important that we face and understand the disparity of emotions that comes with living within the skin of adoption. We don't need to fear them.

Coming together and sharing our experiences is how we begin to understand the seasons of adoption, and how these changing seasons impact us as adoptees.

It's how we begin to form a way of navigating the seasons in order to better weather the storms, the extreme temperatures, the sometimes unforgiving climates that will surely present themselves. It's so very important that we, as adoptees, are willing to travel this journey of adoption together.

We need each other because no one understands adoption like we do. This is why, in the coming weeks, I'll be offering a new virtual coaching event for adoptees.

This virtual coaching will be capped at ten individuals and will run for 6 weeks. We'll meet once a week via ZOOM and move through specially designed curriculum and heartfelt sharing. The goal is to transform our relationships with adoption and eradicate any limiting belief so that we can—once and for all—feel empowered to claim the happiness that we, as adoptees, deserve.

And, that's the name of the course: The Happiness Adoptees Deserve.

If you believe, as I do, that adoptees deserve all the happiness this life has to offer, then go to the button below and schedule a free 30-minute conversation with me. Let's talk. Let's share.

I know I can offer value and help navigate whatever season of adoption you may be living in right now. I also know that building community and forging deeper understanding together is essential.

The journey of adoption is lived out moment-by-moment, and it's ever-changing. As DaShanne Stokes says: "Adoption isn't just a childhood experience, it's a life-long experience." We must learn, as adoptees, to be solid navigators of our ships.

Look at what you've already survived, dear adoptee.

It's time to thrive.

Contact me today.