The Adoptee’s Need to Embrace Their Biology

I’d like to share an important truth with you: adoptees have a biological story. They possess a birth history. A biology. The biology of who they are came before adoption was written into the pages of their biography.

Adoptees will feel this biology pulsing within them for all of their lives. No. Matter. What.

Their biology exists. It’s real.

It’s ever-present. It’s a fact.

It’s the genealogy of adoption.

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Greetings from Greece: Adoptees And The Gift Of A Fuller Story

As an adult adoptee, coming back to Europe always makes me smile. I feel at home here. I feel home. International adoption took me far away from my biological roots. And, on the other side, it brought me closer to understanding a deeper meaning of love, of inclusion, and of family. Both sides of the adoption experience have helped to mold me into the person I am today. I’m so grateful to be at a point in my life where I can find value in the two: in the biology and the biography of me.

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The Need For Authenticity In Adoption

It is true: adoption is both loss and gain. It’s beautiful and it’s broken. It’s a coming apart and then a coming together. Someone must exit for another someone to enter. There’s joy and sorrow surrounding adoption. It’s really important to acknowledge both—to hold, in tandem, the contrasting emotions and realities of adoption. If we don’t, we risk not being real. And, authenticity in adoption is greatly needed.

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Adoptees and the Journey of Finding Belonging

I have, as an adoptee, dealt with feelings of rejection and an over-arching belief that I was not worthy of love. Rejection can have that type of effect on a person. It strips you of a sense of dignity. It devalues. It shames. As for me, rejection and the abandonment that took place at the hands of my first parents left behind many wounds. Nothing seems safe when the people a child should be able to rely on the most—their parents—turn and walk away. No matter a parent’s reason or circumstance, the rejection—the leaving behind of a child—can cause lingering wounds. Everything—love, trust, relationships, family, friendships, the present, and the future—can seem uncertain in the child’s eyes.

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Adoptees, Let's Get to the Wound

I used to avoid talking about my adoption. It was the last thing I wanted to share. I'm not sure why because the fact that I was adopted was evident. People could clearly see that I was not biologically related to my family members.

The fact that I didn't resemble anyone in my family was a painful truth. My being different, in that way, was embarrassing. It made me feel like I didn't belong. Like I couldn't ever really be included, or claimed. So very often, I wanted to hide.

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Finding Sustaining Happiness as an Adoptee

As an adoptee, it seems—for me—that there have been many changing seasons in my lifetime. Many transitions and shifts in the wind.

The seasons of adoption—sometimes temperate and sometimes harsh—have, in the past, had control over my ability to experience a sustainable happiness. Something would be said, or not said. Someone would leave. Something within would be triggered. A calm season could quickly change into a turbulent one.

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The Adoptee Tipping Point: Rising Up and Educating Future Generations

I traveled the country this past week, from coast to coast, to speak on behalf of people who are living the adoption and foster care experience. Sharing my own story, as an adoptee, and the wisdom I’ve learned along the way. It was a true honor to connect with so many amazing hearts.

I was encouraged to see adoptees rising up to share their personal viewpoints and their journeys. This is critical! Without adoptee voices, this adoption and foster care community is not fully represented.

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